$_$???

Wonder of what I am going to do for the next step.

Thinking of do not want to become a slave of money.

Wonder of why so many people work so hard just because of money?
How about so many rich guys and old men told me "Money is not the most important", they are no longer work for money any more. After gone through so many years, they finally released and very clear in mind that money, enough to spend then will be all right.

Wonder of so many people chasing after money. Do they really love the money? Do they really need that much of money? Do they really spend so much money? How much money is consider enough for someone? This much? That much?

They worked so hard during their young time, they established own company, they chased after the money, might cause by their love to their family.
But I think, they are chasing after another thing, that is RESPECT. They want people to respect them, however, nowadays, people already too used to judge someone based on how much money you have, how luxury you are able to afford. If you earn more, mean that you are more capable, mean that you are worth to respect...
That's why become everyone just chasing after the money. They realized that money plays a very important role in our daily life... But, money is still not the most important...

When I heard the older generation people told me, "Do not chase after money, gal", "Enjoy your life, or else you will regret", "You should appreciate and enjoy your young time", "We regret as just working during young time, but the time will never turning back"... I told them, now you tell me like this, I won't listen one, as I never gone through the process as you did. They just shake their head and ask me to listen to their advises.

Yea, I should enjoy my young time, I agree with that. However, in the same time, I wish to achieve something that worth to respect... For me, not to achieve a lot lot money, but some not easy and good quality things... Hehe... Money also can't be too less :p

birthday present 2010 again

Received a special birthday present this year,
It is a study bible...

So excited and thankful ^_^

冬至

冬至

今年的冬至觉得很孤单
当同事们都说要回家吃团圆饭
冬至大过天

我想想自己
回家
还不是一个人

今天一大早
就听到汤圆的广告
很久没吃了

以前
妈说 吃汤圆就大一岁
我会想
如果我贪吃
吃很多
那我一年岂不是大很多岁？

去年
还有升在
至少心理还有个安慰

今年
有工作及上帝陪伴
还不错啦。。。

birthday present 2010

Thinking of buying something for myself as the birthday present.

Piano?
No, too expensive, and I don't know how to play it.

Emi Fujita CD?
No, I already have some, though I like to have more :p

Car?
No, I am not that rich yet.

Handphone?
No, not this.

GPS?
No, no, no.

Then, what is that?
Hehe... A Radio!!!
A radio with CD player, USB player, MP3 player, DVD player... (if possible, with tape player) ^_^
haha... Most of my friends said nowadays no people will buy this already... I am so outdated... haha...
I still prefer to say, You don't know ^_^

Thinking of buying it for quite a long time already, just never...
Should I just go ahead this time?
Still in thinking processsssssssss..... >.

盟约

最近
好多朋友都选择了两个人生活
看着他们 心中有些许的感触
回想起以往
都是我大胆的说我想在 24 岁结婚
后来延迟了
现在说 28

常听有人说我要求太高
我情愿说你们不明白的我想法

对我来说
婚姻是一辈子的
与另一半立下的盟约
与天地立下的盟约
要维持一段婚姻绝对一点都不简单

我爱的歌

最近爱上 Emi Fujita 的声音
就犹如当初爱上 许美静 的一样
两者一样 静静的
适合在夜空中荡漾的。。。

生命

生活中往往有太多的无奈
无奈得让人觉得无能为力
多得让人觉得像要放弃

看到青年在网上倒数自杀的新闻
想起了硕士还未毕业却遇上车祸而逝世的朋友
想起了红斑狼疮病而来不及考SPM就离开的学妹
我想，如果有得选择
他们绝对会选择坚强的活下去
把生命过得更精彩
然而这青年仍有健康的身体、仍有漫长的生命
他却选择了结束。。。

生命真的是很脆弱
脆弱得远乎想象
有的人还舍不得离开
却无可奈何的须放手
有些人却不懂得珍惜生命
轻易的放弃。。。

时间流过了
就不会再回头
记得要好好地珍惜
不要让每一天白过

Simple

Like such a simple suddenly...

Just let it be...

^_^

with God, everything becomes smoother and easier...

I am impatient with certain things, but I know that God will provide, just to be patient...

+u

I know tomorrow will be a busy day... I know I need to work extra after working hour... I am not complaining... What I feel sad is the situation currently... stuck in the middle...

You know, I am not good in understanding hidden words, I am not good in guessing hidden meaning... I prefer straight forward people... Is very hard for me to understand your hidden meaning...

What to do... Just wait and see...

my birthday month :p

A lot of friends getting marry in my birthday month... sure, I know, my birthday month is an extremely good month :p

I just told an uncle that the children that born in this month are clever children... haha... :p

Besides, a lot of interesting movies will be on show in cinema in this month as well... A lot of celebration as well... Christmas, new year eve, company dinner, company trip, bonus receiving month and the most important, my birthday celebration month.... haha...

Hope that everything will be all right... Everything will move in the right track... Pray for myself... Pray for my family members... Pray for my friends... Pray for my colleagues... Pray for my boss...

haiz...

Feel sick with my boss non-generous... However, she is my boss and if I were in her position, I think I will act the same as well... What to do... haiz...

QYP

You know what QYP stands for? It stands for Quarter Young Professional...

I am QYP right now, not YP... You know why? As I am not qualified to be a YP yet, not 100% YP, just 25% professional... :p

Learned a lot of things in these few days, not, should be these few months... I know that I am moving toward a right path, as I am feeling good with what I am doing right now... I found the self-satisfaction, I found the proud by doing my current job...

Sometimes, we cant avoid from some bad feeling and bad condition, but, with positive thinking and attitude, everything will be solved at last... I truly believe on it... ^_^

Psalm 138:7

I like the verse of today:

I am surrounded by trouble, but you protect me against my angry enemies. With your own powerful arm you keep me safe.
Psalm 138:7 CEV

past

8 Nov 2010
陌生的城市里
无人想念的夜晚
有点寂寞

9 Nov 2010
有时候
有些话
听不懂
会比较幸福

2 nov 10

有时候并不开心
不想把笑容挂在脸上
不想把自己出卖
不笑
又搞得自己好像很骄傲
笑
又把自己给背叛

我知道这个过程不简单
在学习当中

我知道老板总不听我说话
所以当和他在一起时
我总是沉默
说废话 说废话只会浪费他的时间
说公事 我还不够资格
所以
还是沉默的好

面对各型各色的人
我想
有时候
笨一点也是不错的

Work with a boss these few days.

I can see the difference between his workers and him, the attitude, the way they think, the way they decide something, the way they act...

All these explain to me why he is a boss while his workers are workers...

I found a "wow" in him... The way he handling something impressed me a lot... So steady, clean, fast and clear...

Lord

Lord,
You know what I need
I know that everything I need will be provided by you.
Just to have faith...

Lord, You know what I need and what I want...

计较

不计较不代表我愚笨
别误解

I don't like to be calculative doesn't mean that I am stupid... I know what am I doing about... Can you just have faith and believe?

Please don't twist the words around, I can't understand what you are trying to say well... I am sorry for my dumb, I really can't understand...

^_^

Dad called me after three days I been here. I told him I am all right here and don’t need to worry about me.

I know I have to take good care of myself here.
I am clear that I have nobody to lean on if I am sick
I am also clear that I have nobody to seek for if I am sad or down
So, I know I have to take good care of my body and my soul
I know that…

Dad, mum, sister, brothers and my friends, I will take good care of myself here. ^_^
Don’t forget, I am strong !!!

Determination

Would like to share something I saw today...



Determination



There is no trying,

There is only

Doing

Or

Not Doing

Life in Bintulu I

在家里，爸爸叫我“宝贝”

在这里，他们叫我“阿女”

虽比不上爸爸对我的疼爱，他们还是蛮照顾我的

早餐、午餐、晚餐、工作。。。




这里的地方很大，有限数量的人类无法将这里填满，所以看起来好像人烟稀少

这里的生活步伐是缓慢的，做什么都是慢慢的，当你遇到紧急事件时，玩蛋！！！

这里很多都是靠小生意过活，真的是很小的生意，看起来冷冷清清，但他们就是糊口得了。。。

这里的东西不会很便宜，价钱和吉隆坡差不多，有时候贵点，有时候便宜点

这里的人很愿意帮忙他人，到目前为止遇到的，都很好，不说二话，不多问，帮你就对了。他们也好像没什么脾气的，麻烦的事，他们也是从从容容的，连提高声量都没有。。。

这里的食物是属于有限公司，想找到好吃的，有点难度。。。但我喜欢吃这里的一样菜，叫“bilin”或“milim”。以前爬山时有看过，只是没想到原来是可以吃的，我觉得还蛮好吃的。。。






我的工作方面，我觉得各方面还好，会较忙碌了点，没什么时间上网闲聊，不过这样也好，至少时间并没有白白浪费了。

一起工作的uncle都很照顾我，都很乐于帮我，他们也会注意我的安全，不会把我一个人放在陌生人群中，毕竟在我工作的地方有98.5%是男生。

我的老板也是很照顾我，常交待我要早点睡觉，以免病了；很多时候，她交待我的东西我不能在指定的时间内完成，她也会让我去睡觉，然后自己熬夜，让我觉得很不好意思及觉得自己很差。。。

当我不明白还是不知道该怎么做的时候，只要问，就会得到答案，他们都不会看不起的不告诉我，也不会说我这麻烦人不要吵。。。

做错的，当然会有，我知道这是学习的过程，与其让自己伤心难过，不如把这当作学习的机会，所以，我很幸运，身边有那么多的人愿意给与指点，让我有这个学习的机会，这是上帝的眷顾。。。




今天买了很多香蕉，高兴，有香蕉吃，哈哈哈。。。

wl be all right

again...

anyway...

learn to be strong... i know...

To Me

在接下来的日子或许不容易，但你要坚强。。。

love to share out

Was chatting with a colleague just now... We talked about marriage.
He said 90% of the women want to get married. Then I told him I also want to get married...

For me, family, husband and children are very important. They will be my treasure, they will be my motivation...

I also told him, everyone of us got a lot of love, we need to share out our love then only meaningful... for example, my boss and his boss, they are single ladies, you will find that they very care about their nephew and niece... they also need someone for them to love to, they also got a lot of love can be shared out...

I also shared that, for me, got the balance between family and work only consider as "LIFE"... when you are happy or you success in something, if you do not have someone for you to share with, the happiness level wont increase and meaningless...



The moon today is so round and so bright
is that the same in your city?

night night, the world...

broke down (car)

My car broke down in the middle road just down, temperature up to "H" level, got smoke come out from my bonnet some more... wow... first time facing such situation...

I was panic at first, as I think I will block others way and there was so crowded and hardly find any place to park my car... Then I parked my car beside the road...

I take it as a challenge from God. I didn't cry, just be tough and positive... At least today is a cloudy day, not so hot. At least today is not a raining day, wont get rained. haha... God gave me challenges but at the same time He still very care of me, providing me such a good environment for me to go through the challenges...

I told my mum that my car got some problems few days ago, but I do not have time to fix it. Plan to fix it today... Mana tahu... is ok, at least I learnt a lesson.

I called a mechanic for help, but he is not available to come over to help me... Then my friend helped to call for another mechanic for me... yearh~~~ solve!!!
Thanks friend ^_^

Happy for you

I know you are gone
glad that you are all right
glad that you are released
glad that you move forward

I am all right as well...

at least I think I was doing great in handling this
at least I did not play you like a cat play with a string roll
at least I didn't hold you back

I understand that is kind of empty when you have no one to miss on
I do understand, I do
but dear, you will find yours
I know you are doing better than I do, you are

Thank you for everything you did...

I am moving forward as well
Don't forget I am strong

I am all right
I will be all right ^_^

my working life so far...

I started to get used to the environment
started to be independent
started to be smart
started to handle job properly

My colleagues all are male
some quite rude
always playing with rude words in their mouth
but they are friendly
very super friendly
helpful as well
always help me as much as they can
Glad that they never look down on me
but in other way
help and explain to me in almost every aspect

Admire the way they work
so professional
they treat every single big and small issue seriously
They can do so many things in a day
once promised, they will definitely do it
wow...

insane

My here was raining heavily 2 days ago
Was driving and thinking of you
How about your city there?
Is that same as mine?
what are you doing there?
Is that everything all right?
Will you do the same as what I did?
definitely not, as no people will as insane as me (:$) including you

I want to tell you, if you are there,
I am missing you in this rainy day
I want to tell you, if you are there,
the sky is crying because of missing you as well...

The coming period might be hard
because of you
I will be tough and strong
I want you to feel proud of me

God loves us before we know Him
I would like to love you before I know you as well

mix

i don't know what are u talking about most of the time
i m speechless most of the time

bad day past
a sunshine day should come
should

going off to Bintulu soon
but the time not fix yet
who is going to miss me?

went to eat sea park nasi lemak alone just now
first time alone there
not that bad

want to take my shower now
tired
need to work some more later

met an uncle and a teenager today
tried to bomb me
but i do not have any feeling
i m not that naive

changed
ya
you are right
is a good news
or bad news?

life is not that hard
once you taste down
only you appreciate up

o(>.<)o

kind of messy...... >.<|||

u never know

feeling like crying
but i know i cant let my tear drops any more
cant
just cant

go away

i do not know how long i would sustain with this situation
i know
be tough
be strong
again
ya
tell myself
ya
i am ok
ya

i really do not want to sit in this house any more
anyway
i have to
be tough
challenge it
face it
ya
should be
ya

monday

i really do not like this kind of feel at all...
i do not like this kind of situation as well...

only do such silly silly minor minor things... how stupid it is...
angry feeling start to burn in my heart
angry to myself...
i know i am much more capable than this...
totally crap...

stupid + silly

only can wait command to do something........................................................................................................ u must be kidding........................................................................................whole picture??? come on...................................................

zzz

Feel so tired recently... Need to have a long long good good quality sleep... i am not a big :p

Feel so sayang for a gal I met before... Sayang that she gave up the chance to change, sayang that she did not appreciate this opportunity, sayang that she just got thought about that but never try to step out the first step...

I think, human is the most complicated animal in the world... Some so naive, some so cunning, some so pure, some so polluted... so complicated... no matter how pure or how naive of a human is, never fully believe anyone... lies appear everyday, every hour, every minute, every second... fly over the sky, fly over the air...

spend a lot of money recently... pouring out my money like the water in waterfall, fast & much... blah blah blah... the difference is, water in waterfall never going to the end, but my money is going to the end soon... will become a money-empty zm soon...

so tired... wan zzz dy... night night....

hehe...

she is powered up herself...
did 3 mistakes today, but is ok... learning process...
every tomorrow will be a better tomorrow...
Be concentrate...
Use brain to think, to understand...
She could be a fast learner as she was before...

rojak...

enjoying time in home... online, washing clothes, reading newspaper, showering, listening to songs, blogging... tee... ^_^

my boss told me tomorrow will start to have heavy work load, asked me to take enough rest...

I like to say something randomly, but many people cant follow my fm tuning, always lost connection...

sometimes, too often to put myself in secondary place... ignoring self until forget i myself also have choice, I myself also can say NO, forget to show out own preference...

look at the penguin from S, kind of missing him, long time no see him dy... but is all right...

I remember W said i am pretty with OL wear, that moment, i told myself, i could consider to become an OL... also remember W said he likes to see i am in a serious condition, not in crazy stage, look attractive... haha... wow... my memory is good...

I remember that at the beginning, when i know someone is lying, i was so frustrated, why they want to do that? why they cant be honest? someone told me, they are not lying, they are just not telling the truth...
and now, i realize that... I start to learn to not telling the truth as well...

Met a gal few weeks ago. I am so happy to hear that she is not satisfy with her current condition, she hopes for changes... She wants to change her current life style... She works hard to earn money so that can attend an english class and find other better job... wow... so excited to hear that... hope she appreciate the coming chance ^_^

move move forward

no matter you doubt or you firm
once decided
just move forward
have faith on what you chose

Just move forward

suppose in Terengganu, SEATRU program now
but I am still in company
is ok
for better career
you will gain how much you gave...

add oillll

Hope for a better tomorrow
give myself an encouraging smile ^_^

congratulation to my buddy

Looking at my buddy's wedding photos, I can feel the bless between them...
I remember that my buddy showed to me that he loves his wife a lot lot... ^_^
feel so happy for them...

and this recall me my final destination...
I really do hope that there is something started for my final destination...
however, it is not...
anyway
it will, when there is the timing...

不要在我寂寞的时候说爱我

偶然遇上的惊喜

4.55am

actually hate myself much
hate myself to be such a useless gal

actually would like to say
I am not ok
I am not loving current me at all

i know that is ok for me to be weak
i know that is ok for me to cry
i know that is ok...

actually trying to be strong
actually trying to be positive
actually trying...

finding the way out
i know i will find it...
will...

4.47am

can't waste too much time in struggling, in thinking...
life goes on...

can't waste too much time to heal..
life goes on...

can't waste too much time to be weak...
life goes on...

move on... move on...

4.28am

I know I will be all right...
I know this is not an easy path from the beginning... I know it...

After charging up myself in hometown, I will be all right...
I just need get enough sleep, enough rest, then everything will be all right...

life goes on...

重心错了

因为重心不对了
所有的一切都不对了

重心不对
累了也不知道
累得忘了关怀好多好多的人与事务
真的忘了好多
也没力气
有时候连说话都觉得累
有时候连聆听都觉得负担

所有所有
就是因为把重心放错了地方
得赶快调整
趁还来得及

有些东西
有些时候
就是要取舍

3.20am

Will be sunrise again tomorrow morning
no matter you are sad or you are happy
life goes on...

When you are sad, don't waste your sadness...
use it...
then you will see the difference...

When you scare, face it
then you wont scare any more

life goes on
you complain or you sad
the problem still there
when you face it and try to solve it
it will become easier and lighten

just depend on how you solve the issue

anything that happened,
is because you let it to be happened
you let it
you allow it
so, you since you able to let it happened
you also able to stop it
you also able to disable it
ya, you can...


there are two kinds of people
one, he knows his weakness, then he will just say "I am like that one, I just need to accept me myself"
the other one, he knows his weakness too, he will try to overcome it, he will find out some ways to solve it...
what kind of people you want to be?
i prefer latter
Lord, give me strength...
might face bigger and bigger problem to gain the strength
is ok...
i know i have to...

3.09am

Just read through my friend's blog, in that, he mentioned:
"i know how much i have cried and be sad about.... rather than take the pain away, bless me with the strength to go through this"

Lord, bless me too... Thanks...

2.50am

always trying to be strong
sometimes,
an understanding hug can help

no, no...
just be strong

can't do something unfair to some one
can't do anything that might hurt anyone

2.47am

will back hometown an hour later...
when i m back, i will sleep sleep sleep.....

2.45am

I m not complaining
just disappointed to myself...

self-control should be better
not like now...
useless!!!

I do not want so many things happened
I do not want some situations go into such stage
I just can't help

tired level increasing........................................

2.42am

so tired recently...
empty...
doing nothing always...
confident level drop drop drop...
what an useless girl...
excel in nothing...

I am sorry...
I am sorry...

2.40am

believe me, I do not want to let anybody down...
I really do not want it to be happened...

I am not too harsh to myself
I am just not fully utilize my ability, strength...

could be better...
have to make some changes

I am sorry...

2.35am

一点都不喜欢此刻的心情
不喜欢觉得自己让谁人失望了
可能你会说是我自己要求太高了
其实不是的
是我没有尽力的去做好

重心在哪里呢？
重心不对
什么都不对

想留些时间给自己

努力的去喜欢所做的每一样事情
努力的不去抱怨
每次都说好的，没有“但是”。。。

常常都说 "I am ok"
其实，现在想说 “I am not really ok"。。。

每每遇到问题时，努力地面对
一次又一次
没有乞求谁人的同情

曾经想过
有谁人会了解
有谁人会关心
有谁人会聆听
久了，就懂了
其实什么都没有
迫着自己去面对
要一次比一次坚强

Tiara vs Vios

Finally I have to admit there are some differences between RM500 and RM25... haha...

Last time, i wore RM500 reebok shoes, very comfortable and tahan lama, wear for 4 years only need to change...
I am so poor recently, so I went to Carrefour to buy RM25 sport MEGA POWER shoes. From the outlook, still ok, the quality, i think can't demand that high... What disappointed me is I just wear it for 3 - 4 times, it is starting to show me it got problem of its health dy... =.=|||

I know that next time, I will buy good quality shoes rather than this cheap but useless MEGA POWER sport shoes...

no title

My boss is very capable, however, she is still single until today. Her partner also another boss, she also same...

My boss told me she used to hire a female who did very well in her company, she also did not get marry.
Then I think, I want to get marry and I think my final destination is to enjoy a very good family with my beloved husband... So I think i must find the balance between career and relationship...

Anyway, the other side still empty... Temporary, dun care first la...

Sleepy again... quite tired recently... Want to write more but brain is not functioning... good night...

+ve attitude

Was doing testing on some equipments in a company in Klang today.

Just to share an incident that happened this noon.
There is one tester doing testing with my partner and I in the company today. At the beginning, we took quite a lot of time to figure out how to do the testing, then the following testing process become easier and faster.
Suddenly, we came an equipment, once we power up it, the whole testing room will short circuit. The tester tried 2 times, then he said he doesn't know how to solve it and he requested a rest and wait for the next more expert tester to solve this issue. My partner also sound like willing to tolerant with him by having a rest. But for me, I was insist and I requested him to disconnect all the wires and reconnect them again, step by step...
As a result, we able to success test on that equipment.

At that moment, I felt happy for myself. Though I am just a fresh graduate and they are experienced engineer, I was able to solve the issue rather than giving up. I think, attitude really very important... and i also very glad that I dare to speak out my opinion and dare to ask while I am not sure about something...

hehe

Went to a training course today. Only my boss and I are ladies in that hall, of course, we become the attraction of those guys there.
When I first walked in, the other boss was so happy to see i m there. Keep calling me "ah moi ah moi"...

By the way, what impressed me is, got one Indian, he approached us. He very surprise to find out that my boss, a lady is the boss of the company, and he also very impressed with my boss quality and experience. Then I told myself, ya, this is what I want, a good and real quality from inner of me myself... Only this will make me feel so proud...

I think in order to achieve such achievement, I need to pay out a lot of time and energy... I see my boss sleeps very less but she does enjoy her life well...

oh no, i m very sleepy now... need to sleep first....

no title

Seriously, no one is perfect in this world...
I don't like to describe too much about what is going on... but i can tell that I don't like to be used by others...
you can treat me as a fool, but please don't think that i am really is a fool...

1st night in Bintulu

Everything all right here.

When I reach LCCT airport, feel like I am so stupid, why I don't know where to check in and where to check in luggage and so on... This is not the first time I been to LCCT, every time, my sister and my friends settled for me everything; Now, I need to do it myself, then only I realize I was so dependent last time...
However, I know that, as long as I am willing to learn and willing to ask, I will find the way out. I asked and tried... ^_^
Never too late to start ^_^

First night in Bintulu. The people here quite friendly and their life style is quite slow motion. I stay in Li Hua Hotel. Quite clean, nice and cheap ^_^... surprise, got wireless connection here... haha...

Tomorrow, I will follow boss to the plant there. Wish that I able to learn and catch up very fast...

Sore throat and my tongue is swelling now. Last two days, even hardly to swallow kuey tiao soup. I guess should be virus infection. Maybe too late and inadequate sleep recently make my body weaker. Hope to recover soon...

2 e

Talk to a friend today.

I think God cares of her much much. God gave her a very clever brain, good personality, good outlook, seems like so good in most of the things... However, her bf does not appreciate her at all. She cried. She told me a lot lot, like her bf always complaining about her, her bf always goes out to find another girl, like she is never exist...

My poor little girl, you are lovely. God let that guy met such a perfect you. Because of him, you changed, you improved... Did he notice? Did he appreciate? No! No!!! Then, my poor little girl, just let go... God will arrange another better guy for you... That stupid guy is not worth for you to break your heart, he is not worth for you to drop a tear...

Let go, girl...
Don't drop your tear again because of him... he is not deserve it...
Don't ruin your life because of him... he is not worth to...

today

Bought myself a handbag last night and Bought a beg for my little apple baby today. Though not very rich, I think is worth for me to buy them ^_^
Once I think of my little apple baby is being protected, feel so happy...

Went to bible study just now. We came over family topic... From the bible study, it reminds me my mistakes for past months... I did something impolite to family members... They just worry and concern about me much, but I was so rude and did not appreciate their love to me... Then xuxu called me just now, phone just past around to dad and mum... I found that they never angry about what I did, they just keep concerning me, loving me, they just want to make sure that their little daughter is in a good condition... Feel so guilty on what I did...

It also reminds me that I have been did not contact my friends for long time already, but my friends still call up to concern me... What a shame...

Thinking about "life" today as well... Refresh back my one week working time... A lot of thought flying surround my brain, but I do not wish to share out yet... Not the timing yet...

Will fly to Bintulu tomorrow... First time outstation... Hope I will learn a lot through this trip... I haven't pack my things yet, after packing my stuff, I still need to do some work before i go to bed... Maybe I can zzZ lot in flight :p

thankfulness

Is so lucky for me to become child of God. We become children of God not because of our good works, but because of we are the chosen people... So proud that God chooses me, saves me, loves me, though I am not deserve for it....

Eternal Flame (Camomile Smile)

Listening to this song recently. Eternal flame... Everyone also got their own burning eternal flame... believe in that...
I like to listen to Camomile Smile version... peace + nice + soft + feel....

The lyrics as below:

Close your eyes, give me your hand, darling
Do you feel my heart beating, do you understand?
Do you feel the same, am I only dreaming?
Is this burning an eternal flame?

I believe it's meant to be, darling
I watch when you are sleeping, you belong to me
Do you feel the same, am I only dreaming
Or is this burning an eternal flame?

Say my name, sun shines through the rain
A whole life so lonely, and then you come and ease the pain
I don't want to lose this feeling

[break]

Say my name, sun shines through the rain
A whole life so lonely, and then you come and ease the pain
I don't want to lose this feeling

Close your eyes and give me your hand
Do you feel my heart beating, do you understand?
Do you feel the same, am I only dreaming
Or is this burning an eternal flame?

[break]

Is this burning an eternal flame?

An eternal flame?

(Close your eyes and give me your hand
Do you feel my heart beating, do you understand?
Do you feel the same, am I only dreaming
Or is this burning an eternal flame?)

THanks

Today is my 4th-working day in IPD. Still in a blur blur condition but I believe that I able to catch up very fast. I believe...
I believe what I do now is priceless and is worth for me to invest in. Though some of the aspect I am doubting in, but I know that I should move on and learn and grow.

Talk to a senior engineer yesterday. Very happy to received his encouragement. He said I got the same characteristics that he found in his boss and my boss, with these characteristics, as long as I never give up, I no doubt can achieve something...

Last night, I was so tired as I was only slept for 2-3 hours two nights ago. When I drive back home, already around 11.30pm. I accidentally drove my car into a no-way out space. Front of my car was staircase, for human to walk. Back of my car is higher road, the difference height almost equal to the difference height between normal road and road divider, 90 degree. So, is impossible for my car to out from that space.
I put two wood boards to support my car out from that space. Unluckily, my car crashed the boards... I was so desperate that time and I bowed on the steering and cried... In a minute time, I raised up my head, I saw an uncle standing front of me. I swept my tear and went down from my car to ask help from the uncle. And finally, I able to get out from there...
I would like to say, that uncle must be Jesus... No one was around that time, just a minute time, how can suddenly an uncle appeared? I found that non of the houses was opened their gate or even any sound... Another thing is, Only I asked, he helped. He did not approach to me himself, he just stood there, waiting me to come over his side...
Thanks Lord... So touch that you help me...
I know i am stupid enough to drop into that space... but at least I learned....

friends

I asked myself a question today: "How many true friends I have?"
Then few people appeared in my mind, MY, Tea, KC, J...
I feel so glad that I still having them ^_^

Some friends, even not really close or contact normally, but i know that, if something happened and i need them, they will stand out to help me...
Thanks Lord for arranging such wonderful friendships for me...
Thanks all the friends for treating me as your friend...

YP

You know what is YP?
Young Professional!!!
I am YP, call me YP!!! ^_^
haha...
Not only I am, We are!!!
MY is prof in accouting;
KC,R, Tea, J and YL are prof in sale;
Big sis and Jinnies are prof in banking;
ME is prof in ENGINEERING....
wow wow~~~ so proud... haha....
I know that if I able to become a profession in engineering, I definitely will very proud of myself... ^_^

moving toward it... move move!!!

call me YP!!! Yeah~~~

this is not about respect?

Today not very please with one of my friend... For me, I will think respecting others privacy is very important, further more, your best friend's privacy. Maybe he/she is not your best friend any more, but he/she used to trust you so much then only will show out his/her weakness to you.

Anyway, what I think doesn't mean others also will think in the same way...

And may be I just too sensitive... I wish my friends will keep my sharing or any secret to be a real secret, not make them become a public discussion topic... Thus, I will do the same for my friends...

When I know that friend was sharing out that thing, I feel shock and unacceptable and start to get angry... I used to believe and trust she will be a nice nice and good good friend... Anyway, after sometimes, I discovered that she was doing that with bad intention and someone said that what she shared out wont really hurt the main character in the story... okay, fine... I just hope that this won't hurt the main character, but I know will as I know the personality and characteristics of the main character...

I keep telling myself: don't be so sensitive. She is good. She was not doing that with bad intention..

Anyway, I also know that, for me, I wont share anything that I feel important to her any more... not only her...

keep deeper and deeper.. So what? Who cares?
Sincere friendship? Don't kidding...

share?

actually wish to call family, want to share some good news with them. But i remember their response every time i share. They always will critic and I wonder why they can't feel happy for me and just support me?

I went to a electrical field company last two days, just to visit around there. A senior engineer brought me in there. She brought me in just to let me know the environment of that company. If I feel comfortable with that company, she can help me to apply that company. And actually she owns a company as well, just her company only hire those experience and good people, so, I, as a good for nothing fresh graduate is not qualify to enter her company.

While waiting for someone and something in the company, she explained some electrical power things to me. I never study power things before, i just got some basic for those electrical things. While she explaining to me, I able to catch up in very short time and ask her back some questions. From her reaction, I know she is happy that I able to understand the overall concept so fast. She praised me for understand the basic concept.

In a surprise, she said I can work for her company if I still not able to get any job during end of September. She also told me that if I want to earn some extra money, can take some projects from her, she will pay me. She is also willing to teach me and train me... I feel happy and I see this as a chance to learn...

I wish to share with my family, but I don't know how will they react this time...

^_^

Friends, I am not crying today...
Don't worry me...
I am all right...

hope that i could sleep soundly tonight

Just back from Jeason Ma concert.

From the concert, I got somethings to share with.
Grace is something that we did not deserve it but we get it.
We are not here because of an accident, we are not useless; We are here for certain purposes...
We are special...
Though no body loves you, don't be sad, God loves you...

Crying a lot recently. Showering, driving, reading, thinking, online surfing net...

Come across a phrase: If I were to choose between pain and nothing, I would choose pain. -- William Faulkner

I know that God did not abundant me aside, He sent His messages and encouragement to me through my friends, just my heart is too hard to believe and accept.

Received call from Keng Yin just now. She said she wants to bring me to visit a company tomorrow. See, this is the response of my prayers...

I prayed for my friends before, in these two days, they sent me good news... This also another response of my prayers... Just my heart is too hard...

I have to learn to let go of somethings that I should not hold it on... Learning...

finally, I wish I could sleep soundly tonight...

-

Read from somewhere, if we keep ourselves in a negative emotion, we only will make the condition becomes worse. Negative emotion will only attract negative things, human, incidents...

I did not sleep for around 30 hours already. Insomnia... Tear drops every time I think about my sensitive issues, like a silly girl. Ya. I am a silly and useless plus stupid girl here...

When I confront with my friend just now, I tried to show myself in a positive attitude and tried not to let my this damp bad emotion affect my friend. At least I tried, though tear drops again now... At least I tried not to attract more negative things... At least I tried...

I was thinking of writing "ZM is tired" in my facebook status, but, I remember that during STP, we mentioned, is better for us to not to put negative statement or emotion on our facebook status, we should put something happy, nice and encouraging... To glorify God. To let others treasure from that... So, I didn't...

I saw God's works on my friends. Is great that God loves them... I wish those kind of blesses will happen to me as well. Questions appear in my mind... why? Why God just abundant me aside? Am I not worth to love? Where is the peace feel I found before that? Where is the faith I had before?

I learn to be strong, I know I would overcome it... Everything comes with reason, every arrangement got its purpose... May be I don't know about it now, but I will know it one day... one day...

-

Feel so sad and feel so bad
Lord, where are you?

-

3.30am now
hate myself so much...

down...

is tired of being me

just to say...

胡言乱语

夜深了
还不想入睡
内心的空洞还未被填满
虚度的日子已无法再挽回
未来的日子还没信心往下走

做了决定
其实还担心
曾经的信心不知去了哪里
慢慢吧
有谁能十项全能呢
有谁能一步登天呢

...

将会走一条大多数人都不明白、不支持的路
我有我的原因
如果，不必解释，那该多好
如果可以，给予支持就好了。。。

u...

Only you will treat me as a precious jewel
Only you will love me without any reason
Only you will care of me while I am a totally useless girl
Only you...
and you make me confuse....

silence...

If possible, don't ask me to explain
If possible, don't ask me to tell
If possible, don't ask me why
If possible, don't ask me how
If possible, just don't ask me

If possible, just keep silent...

Just Leave me alone...

Lost

More confuse than ever…
Sadly, I am lost…
I am lost inside my own world…
Can’t see the road in front…
How I reach here I don’t really know…

blur...

I think tonight will be another awaken night again...
I still cant see my future clearly... Feel like I am almost to give up what I wish to pursuit after... Give up and surrender...
Some told me that once we born, responsibility bond to us, and we must do our part for this responsibility sake...

Struggling and struggling and struggling...
family, future, career, friends, self...
headache...

Uncertainty

Thought already confirm get a job offer from Huawei. Received a call from Huawei yesterday, he mentioned about company internal problem, might won't hire me... Feel the uncertainty...

I think I am getting worry is because I am facing choices again... However, I still cant make up my mind on what I want to be actually... What I want actually??? I don't really have a clear picture of it...

Feel like I am so useless and worthless recently... So weak in so many fields...
I know I have to charging up myself... still wondering about the future... what i want actually???

master convo

3rd Aug 2010
is my master convocation.
For me, I am not really so excited. I thought I am the only one who feel numb about that, who knows, from the conversation with another candidate who was sitting beside me, I found that he also has the same feel... haha...
However, I can feel that my parents are excited and I think they feel proud of me... more than enough already, right?

This year, I did not really inform friends about my convocation. Thinking of keeping low profile? May be :p ~.~
I feel happy to get wishes from friends, at least I know that they are care and concern about me... Thank you very much... muack muack...

如果我只是「过客」，请不要对我好！

如果我真的很不重要，如果我只是你生命中的过客
那么请你，请你不要对我好，
不要让我发现自己已经习惯你、依赖你到无法自拔..


从一开始，我只是陪你走过一段人生的小路程。
如果注定会分离，就别让我去抽离这种习惯！
因为伤不起，因为承受不起..
也许曾经想过封闭起自己，
只是遇到了你，以及你们，
让我觉得有支撑下去的勇气！
可是有的时候真的是太在乎，太容易受伤了..
不经意的知道很多..


是什么感觉呢？就像自己落水了，然后在绝望的那一刻，
有一只手伸过来带给我生的希望，
就在我真的真的想要把自己生命，
所有的希望交个那个人的时候，
却丢下我走了，任由我往水里沉..
从天堂掉下地狱..
知不知道，你真的对我是很重要，很重要的，
但是当我知道原来你不曾像我这样想过，
当我知道你根本就不曾在乎过，
或者把我当一个玩耍的工具时，
才觉得自己是真的傻，真的笨吧..


像以前遇到的很多人，说着很好听很好听的话，
让我以为自己仿佛是他的整个世界，
可是就要去相信去接受的时候，
却让我知道，原来一切都是假的..
为什么我拼命告诉自己不能轻易相信别人？
却还是选择了相信。我相信的人，
你对我很重要，或许我是真的没有长大，
所以我喜欢去相信你，去依赖你..
比其他人更在乎你的一言一行，也许你不曾感觉到，
但那是真的，那种感情，跟爱情，友情，亲情都没有关系..
特别得说不出来..


有一天，你出什么事了，我也会焦虑会害怕，
有一天，自己很难过很难过了，想要逃的时候，也怕你会担心..
把你当作我生命中很重要的人，但是有一天如果你不管我了，
丢下我了，连话都不想跟我说了，也许不仅仅是难过，还有…


如果我真的是无所谓有无所谓无的，
那么从一开始就别对我好，
因为也许你一点点的温暖就会想让我拥有整个太阳..
不要给我施舍的好，不要给我同情的好，一旦我习惯了这些好，
当你转身即走的时候，留下的除了一道道伤痕还有什么呢..？
这是自己曾经很想说的话，现在转过来..
现在想来，这只是青春的必经之路，
有痛苦，有甜蜜，回过头来看，
留下的只是淡淡的回忆... ..

再次失眠

讨厌这样自己
又再次失眠了
为何失眠？？？

回顾以往
觉得自己真的是很没有用
上帝给了我这么多美好的事、物与天分
懊恼自己怎么没有好好地利用呢？
即使是现在我还是不懂该如何充分的使用。。。

迷。忘

其实现在的我有点迷失了
坚持得越久
受的冲击就越多
渐渐的
我已忘了当初坚持的原因
渐渐的
我已忘了当初坚持的力量
开始有点妥协了
变得自己也不懂得如何去说服自己了
难道
这样的结局才是美好的？

Wed night

Met with H just now. Didn't contact him for very long period of time already.
When chatting with him, I always feel very comfortable and think that he understands, he knows my concern, he is listening...

I told him my concern, I told him what am i hesitating on and we talked about future... actually I was the one who talked a lot, most of the time he just be the listener... However, he did share his thought about life to me...

For the future, for the career, for the choices, I am really still hesitating... But at least, I believe that if one day I made the choice that everyone disagree with, still got someone understand... I think that is enough for me...

I have to admit that I am weak. Without support of my family and friends, I will corrupt... I know that when I come out with this statement, one of my friends, name J, will laugh at me, and ask me without your family and your friends, will you still alive? will you still survive? I think my answer is will, I will still alive, I will still survive... But meaningless to be alive and meaningless to be survive... I know that J just tried to make me become stronger and tougher, however, in the same time, I feel that he actually is not understand me, he doesn't know me...

Actually I do hope that I know how to tell my family what am I thinking about, tell them my concern... But I just don't know... even with friends, I also don't know... I tried, once start the opening and from their responses, I know that I do not need to continue...
I am really glad that H still here, like last time, always listen to me, though we lost contact for so long...

Great morning

Took my breakfast with parents in a restaurant just now.

I was impressed with the attitude of the waiter. His smile always on his handsome face and seems like telling me that today is a great morning.

Ya, every morning should be a great morning... I am glad that he reminded me... Though uncertainty happen every week, everyday... What I need to do just to solve them one by one...

Later will have lunch with handsome Dr. Boo... Long long time didn't meet with Dr. Boo dy... I think this coming lunch will be a great great lunch... ^_^

Just to share

Feel like want to share a good news with the friends who concern about me... ^_^
My convocation date for master degree is confirmed, 3rd Aug 2010, afternoon session...

I am glad that God loves me much...
When I feel myself as a stupid idiot, thinking and worry over somethings unnecessary, Lord will give me strength to overcome it...
When I feel kind of empty, like no one understand me, no one love me in this world, Lord will fill my empty feel, tell me that He is always with me...
When I get hurt, licking my wound at a quiet corner, Lord will come into my heart and tell me to be strong and He will heal me, and I will become a stronger and better ZM...

Even I am alone in my uncle house, I am not afraid, I know that He is with me;
Even I take the challenge to do sales, I am not running away, He knows I can overcome it then only will place me in such a position;
Even I am single, I am not feel desperate to find a partner, I know that He will make a great arrangement for me;
Even I can't find any job until today, I am not scare, I know that He will arrange for me...

By the way, want to share a lovely song:
You are my all in all

not to be a stupid idiot any more

though this is not a new thought
just to remind myself
not to be a stupid idiot any more...

28 June 2010

tonight will be the 2nd night in Puchong...
The room is yet to tidy up...
The door lock still just an empty hole...
The windows still without curtain..
My bed rack still lay on the floor separately...

My uncle just too busy to help me settle all these stuffs...
Just to be strong and to be tough...
I will try to figure them out one by one...

I know that I really don't like to stay here, I like the feel of peace, but here, I always can hear their shouting songs... Kids will come in to disturb time to time... I have to stay in fear and alert all the time...
Is totally different with just rent a room outside and stay with housemates... However, life goes on. God placed me here for certain purpose, so, just learn and train myself to be stronger... I will figure it out one day...

Be tough and be strong...

first night in Puchong

I moved to my uncle's house on 25 June 2010, and overnight there...


Once i stepped into "my room", really felt like want to cry...
The room was just full of stuffs, not only my stuffs, the children stuffs as well... cant even find a walking path... The room doesn't have lock as well... cant even close the door...

The old lady just ignore me at first and seems like i never appear in her house, she continued to watch her TV and i just being helpless there.

Ya, be strong and be tough... While I was trying to move out some space for the room, my two little cousins was moving around curiously, touch this touch that, ask this ask that... After few minutes, I was still thinking of how am I going to handle this kind of massy, then a song of shouting started to play... Kids and old lady were the singers... What can i do? Just enjoy the song...

Felt bad, like I am the unwelcome people... I thought everything will be ready for me when i step into the house. What I get just the massy and ignorance... Actually, indeed, I was thinking too much and too negative...

I am glad that I have an uncle stay nearby, providing me a free accommodation... help me to save a lot of $$$... Uncle helped me to build up my bed... Luckily, I still have an uncle...

The night is not young. I am tired as well... Just finish tidy up my things, haven't finish actually, just partly... Just finish packing for coming 12 days Student Training Program... feel so lonely and missing my dear dear hug... However, be tough, be strong... life goes on...

pray for a better tomorrow...

It is not easy

It is not easy, especially when you are trying to pursuit of something you desire for...
Now only i know that is not easy to have dream, is not easy to have target...
Sometimes, feel tiring of telling out the story
Sometimes, just need a hug for me to rest
I know however I just need to be strong and tough
Shove myself to stand on my own
Be tough, be brave, be courageous...

new life

一觉醒来，感觉上有些些的不一样
有点落寞
有点失落
有点寂寞
不过，我不会高呼少了你的我该怎么办
决定了
提出了
实行了
也该往前走了

在感情生活上
今天是一页新的开始
在信仰上
今天也是全新的生命

我想我可以习惯一个人生活

一段感情落幕了
平静的 结束了。。。

Hesitating

I wish I am brave enough to tell you I want to live out my own life...
Saying this not mean that I am going to leave you or run away from you. I still love you and wish to accompany you.
I wish I could have some achievements that make you feel proud of me...
I do not want to always stay under your protections...
I really don't know how to tell you regarding my thought......

Realization

Just few days ago and had been like this for many years already actually (just to be honest), I was always looking for someone, who will really understand on me, understand what I feel, wiser than me, give me a very very excellent advises when i need them...

However, the truth is nobody in this world will really stand at your view point, consider seriously about your considerations, understand your feeling well... Is time to grow up, is time to stop dreaming, is time to lick my own wound silently and stand up again myself... never and never again think of seeking for someone's help, someone's hug...

I realize that, someone will just look at your achievements, will just look at your output. He or She will never think that you are still not putting enough effort, you are talented, you have a great great potential... all just never and just craps... no matter how great you had been in the past, they all just the past, what the people look at is NOW, neither the histories nor any excuse you gave...

So, is time to grow, is time to stand up, is time to walk, is time to run, is time to fly...

1st June 2010

今天
看到以往一起练习的舞者表演的照片
回想起好久都没站在舞台上了
这也是我的选择

回想起
在舞台上得到的满足感、优越感
是值得骄傲的
那时候的我
还蛮自信的
可能因为掌声
也可能因为他人的称赞
也可能自我的一种肯定

最近
问了朋友意见
觉得我是个怎样的人呢？
结果得到的是
满悲观的

不懂几时开始与悲观扯上了
自信心也跌落了
在谷里呼喊
得到的
却是自己的回音
才发现
一切的答案其实自己一直都懂

放

不属于我的幸福
不再执著

不属于我的想念
不再奢求

不属于我的天空
不再翱翔

不属于我的一切
不再奢望

随笔

想有个人懂
想有个人理解
懂就好
理解就好
给予支持就好
不要任何的意见
往往得到的意见都是我不想听到的

很多都会自以为了解
很多都会觉得其实很容易解决
只是我在钻牛角尖
很多都会觉得是我想得太多
很多都会觉得我想的不是必然

想说
你不是我
你不懂我想的是什么
说了 你只会说我把情况严重化
其实 你不懂我要的是什么

曾经以为有谁真的会懂 真的会理解
把情况倾诉了
想得到安慰
得到的 却是伤害
不再奢望能有谁真的会懂 真的会理解
唯一的解决方法还是须靠自己

交待？

活在一个“人”的世界
什么都要向“人”交待
有点累了
想什么原因都不给
就这样 就这样

16 May 2010

又是一个谧静的夜晚
想说 不要等到失去后才懂得珍惜

Learning

Learning to believe on my own ability
Learning to be confident to myself
Learning to enrich my skills
Learning to enrich my general knowledge
Learning to be a responsible girl
Learning to chase after some dreams
Learning to be a better me...

Days past

Tiring week, but in the same time is a meaningful week.
Learning everyday, improving everyday... Though already back from the course, I am still looking at the codes, learning as much as possible i could, so that i able to catch up everything the trainer teach in class. What makes me tension and pressure is my "classmates" are those experience programmers who already have a very strong programming background. Anyhow, i just try my best, squeezing my brain to catch up them...

I feel so surprise to know such a great trainer who emphasizes on the quality plus willing to share, willing to teach. Even though I always ask for some silly questions, he never angry to explain everything to us... He always tell us, dun have any question is a silly question, if not understand, just ask... I am really appreciate on what he did. He makes me comfortable to bring out my question if i m not understand or not clear with somethings. Possible for me to become as good as him one day? ^_^

Feeling better with my new MacBook Pro now, getting used to it dy...starting to feel its convenient, starting to fall in love with it... haha...

Repeating a song recently again. Is a English Song -- La Roux -- "Cover my eyes"... Really a nice song, at least for me... keep on repeating the same song again and again... I can feel the peace in it... just listen and feel...

No wonder I'm scared
To look in your eyes
You've turned me away
So many times
You can take it away
At any given moment
It's hard to believe
While you're in this disguise

So would you hold me please
I'm trying hard to breathe
I'm just surviving
So would you hold me please
I'm trying hard to breathe
Stop me from crying

When I see you walking with her
I have to cover my eyes
(I have to cover my eyes)
Every time you leave with her
Something inside me dies
(Something inside of me dies)

No wonder it hurts
To sit by your side
(Turned me away so many times)
There's a different song
I can play you tonight
(We don't have to sit here in silence)
We can break the pattern
We can change the colour
(It's just a little sacrifice)
You don't need to worry about the others
(It's all in your mind)

So would you hold me please
I'm trying hard to breathe
I'm just surviving
So would you hold me please
I'm trying hard to breathe
Stop me from crying

When I see you walking with her
I have to cover my eyes
(I have to cover my eyes)
Every time you leave with her
Something inside me dies
(Something inside of me dies) x3

基督路上的成长开启

基督路上的成长，
想了很久， 终于鼓起勇气启动了

很奇妙的，星期三时遇到了处境差不多一样的人
有点安慰，至少知道这个世界上并不是没人懂
可能上帝听到了我的祷告
把他送过来了

举棋不定
祷告了
我想，被听到了吧
突然之间，没在计划里，
问了一位有经验又信得过的前辈
加上没有回复的电邮
我觉得，那该是答案吧！！！

感恩。。。


有天，带宁到布道会
我猜想她一定觉得我傻了
但，没关系
我自己知道就好。。。

前途茫茫

前途茫茫
不知前方的路该怎么走

冷静不下来

现在的心情是蠢蠢欲动的
很想跑到MPH去买一本书。。。
好冲动啊。。。
又很想去。。。手痒痒了。。。

不想乖乖听话的宝宝

逛了狮城一趟回来
一直在想
狮城没有什么天然资源，也不是什么旅游景点
可是，狮城的汇率却是我国望之不及的

很多的大马人都不大爱狮城
我不懂是什么原因
有些人告诉我 那里的人看不起我们
有些人告诉我 那里的人很怕输
我呢，我觉得还好
如果，自己没看不起自己，别人哪有能力看不起你呢？
他们怕输，可能吧！
在一个这样不优越的地势下，他们都能生存了，还过得比我们富裕。
少了这怕输的因素，这样的成就就造不了了吧！
或许该称为积极吧！
逆境中依然不放弃，其实，是值得学习的。
比较起天然资源富裕、地势优越的我们，我们更应脸红，更应惭愧。。。

有时候，难免想责难我们的政府
如果，我们的政府懂得善用、珍惜人才
如果，我们的政府真正真正的注重、关心我国的发展
今日的大马该早已超越了今日的狮城了吧！
如果，我国真正的发展了公共交通
交通阻塞的问题就能大大地减少了
呼吁的 cuti-cuti Malaysia 更能成功了
哪像现在，在马来西亚糊口的我们都必须拥有自己的交通
不然，怎样都不方便
然后政府才说交通拥挤问题严重，需要向新加玻及西方国家学习实施交通拥挤过路费
然而公共交通的发展只字不提，
算什么样的政府？
只会向人民楂钱，一点都不关爱人民。。。

如果有旅客想真正的逛一逛我国，他们非得付出一笔可观的交通费不可
撇开交通九流、没有什么特点或卖点、历史建筑物没有维修不说，
说最近发生的，美丽的热浪岛，吸引了多少的游客，政府却说要将它变成高档的旅游胜地，以后那里的消费将大大地提高 =.=
这哪算什么 cuti - cuti Malaysia 啊？
简直就是在敷衍国民、宣扬我国的弱势。。。

希望政府可以真正的关心、关爱人民
我们都长大了，
不再你给与糖果+哄骗，我们便乖乖的上床睡觉了的小宝宝了。。。

The Twilight Saga

今天，买了一本英文小说
很高兴
读不读得完 却是另一回事
先高兴一番
其余的较后再说

佩服自己的毅力
跑了书店三回就为了这本
购得 当然高兴

看了一句
就很喜欢了
I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him...

烦

我只能说自己真的是没事找事来烦
不想不上不下
就告诉老板我不想读了
谁知，弄巧反拙
现在更不上不下了

躁

捆手捆脚 是烦躁的
原以为已是自由 却只是原以为
还是需重复着不喜欢的任务
无止境的衍生
何处是尽头？

我可以

总算把该完成得东东都完成得七七又八八了
偷闲的到处逛逛了
差不多每个星期都爬山
想做运动
又贪心的想在附近的美好地方都留下脚印
去巴厘岛逛了一个星期回来
又去了瀑布一趟
看似充实
其实不全然

又是时候看看未来的路途
前途茫茫
如何做择
还蛮期待为社会付出一份力的时刻
虽一直都被泼冷水
说工作环境不如我想象
至少
让我保有我的幻想
保有我的冲劲

说我不怕跌到
其实 我很怕跌到
说我想踏出框框
其实 我害怕改变
说我勇敢
其实 我懦弱得很

没关系
我是父母的孩子 弟弟的姐姐 姐姐的妹妹
所以
我可以。。。

好想睡

又是一个寂静的凌晨
像只迷失的鬼魂
手指再也无力飞舞
鼻间沉重的一吸一呼

告诉自己 今天一定要在凌晨未来到之前便入眠了
所以 今天蛮用心的在做 信心满满的一定可以早入眠
到了现在的时刻 还是无法让明天能交待
好累 好几个夜晚了
不是故意做个夜猫子
好累。。。
还是无法达到 头脑一片空白
如何是好呢？

无聊的非死不可

现在的心理阶段是 “非死不可” 有点闷、有点无聊

之前，一天16个小时坐在电脑前，连续好几个星期都这样
做正经事的同时又无聊 又难过
所以，非死不可成了我的消遣玩伴
可惜，我滥用了
结果，非死不可让我成了非死不可

现在，打开非死不可，我都不知要做什么好
一下子就把想看的东西看完了
该说是 懒得去找 懒得去看
结果，今天就没什么非死不可
可是，正经事也没做了什么
没心情做

又是另一个难题
几时才完呢？

。。。

终于，较重要的部分完成了
竣工了好久
终于。。。
还剩下的，就等今天来解决

我想，如果不是老板帮忙
我可能还在要生要死的
若不是卡运的帮忙
可能还真的要延迟毕业了
真的很感谢他们

今天
在学校
没心机做工
真要不得
无论如何
今天一定要完成

专心点。。。

近日总是无法专注得做该做的东西
期待把完成的东西交上的时刻
期待着那一天的来临
轻声地告诉自己 要加油
轻声地告诉自己 要努力
轻声地告诉自己 要专注
别轻易的被打扰了
别让恶魔战胜了。。。

悼

悼
为逝去的友情

悼
为曾经的在乎

悼了
不再惋惜了
不再在乎了
不再等待了
等待得太久 等得失去了信心
不再等待了
再也不放在心上了

失去的 就是不属于我的
不强求了

悼
为逝去的友情。。。

闭

突然很想重回舞台上
狠狠地呈现一支舞
好久都没这种感觉了
已经不懂得是怎样的感觉了

在舞台上 没有言语
投入在其中的角色里 忘我的
和舞友之间的关系、互动、默契
只有我们能体会
肢体语言概括了一切
所呈现的 就是所呈现的
看者、听者怎么诠释 都随他们
我有我舞 你有你看
没有冲突 无需解释

多好。。。

听不懂

最近
好像丧失了诠释他人话语的能力
越诠释 好像就越错
该是时候沉默了
让一切淡化 一切随缘

对于一些犀利的回答
不懂得如何招架
总以为退一步就会海阔天空
谁知 被逼至了墙角
依然不懂诠释一大堆话语主要内容

19句至理名言

1、如果发短信息给一个人，他一直不回，不要再发了。没有这么卑微的等待。

2、如果没有人陪，学着一个人听音乐看书写点心情日记。这是个好习惯。

3、如果一个人很难过，找个角落或者在被子里哭一下，不需要别人同情可怜，哭过之后一样开心生活。

4、如果一个人开始怠慢你，请你离开他。不懂珍惜你的人不要为之不舍，更不必继续付出你的友情或爱情，到头来受伤的是自己他人不会为之难过。

5、如果可以不抽烟，别抽。如果可以不喝酒，别喝。这是不爱惜自己身体的表现，如果只因一些人，那么我们别傻了，爱你的人不会让你难过的。

6、伤心的时候找个信任的朋友诉说一下，不要一个人默默承受，这只会会更添寂寞感与忧伤。

7、不开心的时候白天看看蓝天晚上看看夜色，广阔的天空自有属于我们 爱，宁可高傲的发霉不要低调的恋爱。跟自己说我是最好的。保持一份自信。

8、宁缺毋滥。不要因为寂寞随手抓一个恋人，这对两人都不公平，而且太缺乏责任感。找个知己不要是恋人。

9、记住你喜欢的人的生日，包括你的家人，当然，还有自己。生日没有人送礼物也无所谓，你可以买精美的礼物，送给妈妈和爸爸。

10、闲下来的时候,放一段柔情音乐，翻阅几页好书，然后睡个懒觉，快哉。心情不好的时候,也可以睡一觉。

11、从现在开始，聪明一点，不要问别人想不想你？爱不爱你？若是要想你或者爱你自然会对你说，但是从你的嘴里说出来，别人会很骄傲和不在乎你。

12、不要太在意一些人太在乎一些事，顺其自然以最佳心态面对，因为这世界就是这么不公平往往在最在乎的事物面前我们最没有价值。

13、不要为了任何人任何事折磨自己。比如不吃饭、哭泣、自闭、抑郁，这些都是傻瓜才做的事。当然，偶尔傻一下有必要，人生不必时时聪明。

14、任何情况下，背后不说他人是非。如果一定要你说，说好话。多个朋友是好事，即使不是很要好的，总比因为自己说话不慎重不思考而多一个敌人好得多。

15、允许偶尔看肥皂剧，但不可成为依赖。允许偶尔披头散发，但要注重场合。允许偶尔骂脏话，但只限在老友面前或者独自一人时，记得说过后要忘掉那些让你难过的事。

16、一定要有几个异性朋友，没有非分之想.就是关键时候,帮你出出主意的好友。

17、学会承受痛苦自己调整心态。有些话，适合烂在心里，有些痛苦，适合无声无息的忘记。当经历过，你成长了，自己知道就好。很多改变，不需要你自己说，别人会看得到。

18、能不和人争吵尽量避免。一个发怒的人是很恐怖的，会因控制不了情绪变成疯子。忍耐然后思索问题的根源最后平静心态解决它 。

19、不管和谁有了矛盾和别扭，解决的时间不要超过24小时。否则麻烦会更多。在可以接受的范围内，先道歉。让自己做做坏人不是件真的坏事。

生活可以很复杂以可以很简单，我们不要总是活在忧伤和痛苦之中，爱自己多一点！不为一些不值得的事物而觉得生活总是那么的痛苦无助，人生的方向盘掌握在我们自己手里，有一天阳光大道等着我们走，放开自己，高傲的活着，只要自己幸福开心的，痛苦过去的伤就让他随风而去吧....告诉世界我们属于现在而不是过去！

舞

又是凌晨时刻
只有我与文字在这空间翩翩起舞
寂寥亦孤傲的舞动

不否认忧闷的心情
不再重要的 不代表不在乎
在乎的 并不代表放不下

你明白也好 不明白也罢
我会学着不去在乎 毫无条件的
依然孤傲的独舞

夜

在这样的深夜
其实更能专心地做自己该做的事情

或许人类就是由这么样的一个弱点
当知道一天即将结束时
才感叹一天怎么这么快就过去了呢
不行 舍不得就这样上床睡觉
因为 今天已经狠狠的浪费掉了

就是知道一天又已到尾声
所以 才可以更专注

期待 克服这人性的弱点的一天

有那么一个人

在我说“放心吧！我没事”的时候
能不能有个人看穿我的逞强。

在我眼眶开始发红时
能不能有个人轻轻地把我拥进怀里说“哭吧！我理解”

在我沉默不语的坐在一旁时
能不能有个人静静的坐在我身旁 给与理解的肩膀

在我支撑得很辛苦时
能不能有个人说 你不需要每时每刻都坚强

在我无奈的苦笑时
能不能有个人说 在我面前你不需要伪装

在我受委屈时
能不能有个人说 还有我在你身旁

***************************************

可不可以有一个人。
可以看穿我的逞强。
可不可以有一个人可以保护我的脆弱。
不要在我说「没事啦，你去吧」的时候
就真的会放心的放开我的手然后留我一个人。
不要在我笑笑的不说话的时候
就真的会以为我心里没有觉得疼痛和难过。
不要在我若无其事的忙碌着手头的事的时候
就真的会以为我什么影响都没有受到。

我希望他会在我的眼泪掉下以前
就用大大的手掌捂住我的眼睛。
然后轻声说我的眼睛只有微笑的时候才是最好看。

我希望他会在我面无表情的时候轻轻的用力的搂紧我。
然后说你在我的面前永远都不需要伪装坚强。

我希望他会在我受到委屈的时候把我的脑袋按在他的肩膀上。
然后抚着我的头发说没关系就算所有的人都不相信你你都还有我。

咱要嫁的那个人
不一定要是高高瘦瘦的 但是一定要干干净净

咱要嫁的那个人
不一定要会甜言蜜语 但是一定要有好的脾气

咱要嫁的那个人
不一定要帅气又多金 但是一定要有聪明的头脑和上进心

咱要嫁的那个人
一定会从我们牵手那刻起 对我说
从今天起 我们有福同享 有难我当

咱要嫁的那个人
一定要霸道些 他会对我说 我认定你了 就赖你了
你就是我一个人的 我不许别人走近你

咱要嫁的那个人
一定会支持我减肥 却依然带我去超市给我买很多好吃的
然后说 吃吧 不管你多胖我都要你

咱要嫁的那个人
一定会在过马路的时候牵着我的手
对我说 要跟我走

咱要嫁的那个人
一定会明白老婆是用来疼的
而且会吹着快乐的口哨和我一起做家务

咱要嫁的那个人
一定会在我生气的时候耐心的哄着
然后逗我说 你生气的样子 好丑

咱要嫁的那个人
一定会在我哭的时候为我擦眼泪
然后告诉我 乖 不哭 有我在呢

咱要嫁的那个人
一定会在我累的时候 伸出手臂 很心疼的说 抱抱

咱要嫁的那个人
一定会在睡觉前跟我说 你要早点睡觉 晚安

咱要嫁的那个人
一定会把我带回家 对他妈说 看 这是我给你找的儿媳妇
然后对我说 这是咱妈

咱要嫁的那个人
一定会在某一个阳光明媚的日子 顶着一片湛蓝的天
笑着对我说 我们该有个家了……

今天的小幸福

前几天都在赶工
在学校至很晚很晚
隔天一早又赶到学校 继续未完成的工作
长期性的坐在椅子上 屁股都麻木了

可能累坏了 身体抗议了
一会儿喉咙痛
一会儿轻微感冒
一会儿咳嗽
一会儿发烧
一会儿发冷
可是 还好的是只是轻微小病而已

好多天都很迟才上床睡觉
可能因为这样 今天一眠到中午
当他知道我已睡醒时
他便跑进我的房间
在我额头上轻轻一吻
关怀的问我好点了吗
然后自告奋勇的说要帮我打包午餐
对于他的贴心 我只能说
谢谢今天的小幸福 ^_^

最后一分钟

我终于发现到原来自己是很“犯贱”的
没到最后一分钟 总不会全力以赴

以前的我很钝的，我不太懂得考试的意义。就连在 UPSR 时，我都不太懂为什么大家都在捧着书，我们明明经常都考试的嘛，考试有什么大不了呢？还被朋友骂，说 UPSR 了，怎么还只顾着玩呢？

在中学时，我都不会太逼自己，我常告诉自己，考试没什么，最重要的是自己学到了什么，重要的是大考，所以，还不算是临时抱佛脚。考试的前一晚，我都不大明白为什么很多朋友都熬夜，我心想，平时上课的难道他们都记不得吗？翻翻看过不久记得全部了吗？干嘛要熬夜，相同的东西看了又看呢？

可是，当考 STPM 时，我渐渐明白要努力了，那应该是重要的时刻了。但是，慢知慢觉的我知道要努力的时刻已是蛮迟了， 当时也都是 upper 6 了，然而平日都不怎么努力的我怎么可能半年多内读完一年半的书呢？所以，开始发奋图强，在 STPM 的前一晚，我才将 F6 的课程全读完一遍，然后就这样上考场了，幸好，天资聪明，还能应付，考得也还不错，过程可说是惊险万分。 :p ^_^

大学最后一年时，thesis 在教授说一定要交的那一天还是没完成，结果是在宽容期间赶完。那时候还蛮紧张的，能赶完真的有点难以置信。。。

还记得隔天一早便是 presentation 了，我在 presentation 的前1个小时半才完成 slides， 然后匆匆忙忙的赶到学校，连练习的机会都没有。

还有，轮到 hardware presentation 的时刻，更恐怖，电脑搬到 lab 时，我还在拼命的做，直到轮到我的时刻还是不够完美，没办法，只好硬着头皮向教授们讲解。。。

幸好，都有惊无险的过关了。

但现在。。。
我真的不想在最后一分钟的赶工了，
最后一分钟干出来的活都不是100分的，
我希望做到自己能做出的最好，
而不是60%。。。
可惜，现在仍然是最后一分钟。。。

有时候，
我在想，
为什么我常会最后一分钟的赶工呢？
有可能，
因为我追求完美吧！
常常，花了很长的时间做一样东西，
不是我没做，而是改了又改，
好了又觉得会更好
一拖再拖，结果。。。

现在，不行了，
需要加快脚步
又想做到一百分
矛盾啊。。。

汽水燃料

日本玩具製造商Tomy推出全新概念的玩具車，玩具車的造型並不奇特，特點在於它們安裝了索尼的生物燃料電池，只要給玩具車“喝”幾滴汽水，車內的電池就能分解汽水的糖分，由此獲得能源來提供動力。（圖：法新社）

******************

那岂不是说明以后的电池时可以用水来发电，
可能电话也一样呢！
那么我们家里的家呢？有这个可能性。。。
汽车的电池呢？也有可能。。。
那样，可是会省了很多的燃料，同时又不会对环境造成污染。。。
不错不错。。。

天鹅离婚

一向被視為專一的天鵝，原來也會“離婚”。
英國斯林布里奇野鳥及濕地保育中心專家最近觀察一對過往數年都由俄羅斯到英國過冬的天鵝情侶，發現它們今年已各自另結新歡，帶同新伴侶到這濕地過冬，並視“舊情人”如陌路。（圖：互聯網）

*******************

所以说咯，看东西千万别只是看表面。。。
爱可是要经得起时间的考验
今天说爱我得要生要死的，不能尽信
因为，明天可能就和我形如陌路了。。。

惊

早安，这个美丽的世界 ^_^
今天又是新的一天
可以有新的愿望 新的冲刺
我的工作又可以完成了多一点点
能说不美好吗

我们经常都希望一天不只有24小时
今天阅报时 我觉得蛮震惊的
智利8.8级的强烈地震竟然能将地轴给影响了
结果 人类一天的时间便缩短了1.26微秒
可见 大自然发怒的力量是不容忽视的

根据数据显示，2100年的全球气温预测会比1990年时的全球气温高出平均2°C。
在过去100年里，全球气温的增加仅仅是0.3-0.6°C，而今却是以往的4倍，难道不值得我们关注及反省吗？

最近的天灾人祸越来越频密了
我相信
上帝的脚步了越来越近了
上帝啊
再给人类一些机会及时间
不要毁掉这美好的世界

对自己说加油

加油吧
没有人会为你的人生负责任 除了你自己

原本拟定于19日要完成的东西
就在今天见了老板后变成10日就要完成了
回顾自己的进度
感觉到自己的不可能
可是 却少了一份压力
可能 知道已成定局的结果 尽力就好吧!

放下了 心里也豁达了
才发现 可以更快的做该做的东西

也可能 这就是最后一分钟的时刻
不做不行了 死也要死出来了

没用的家伙

我以为 这次我不会再是最后一分钟
好早之前就开始了
又有整副计划
怎知 还是一样
现在 仍然是最后一分钟
还是一样陷入讨厌的情绪中

Major revision of my first journal paper

After waiting for four months, finally I get the response from them...
Once I know that is the email from them, I was so happy, cant wait to open it.
But, when I read on the mail, I heard a sound "dummmp", I know that a hard path is waiting for me to pass through.
Feel sad, scare, pressure and tension...

Especially the comments from the 2nd reviewer,
"the technique proposed in this paper is lack of novelty and seems to be too trivial without significant contribution to the scientific community"
and
"My overall impression on this paper is that it is neither innovation nor methodologically solid. Therefore, it needs a fundamental revision the address the aforementioned issues before it can be considered for journal publication."

How cruel the result is...

时间还是继续走的好

如果时间能够停留 那该多好
停留又怎样？
结果还是会回到原点

不懂得善用所拥有的
就算给得再多也只是浪费

你几时毕业？

自我读了半年开始 就有家人、朋友不断的问我同样的问题
“你几时毕业？”
这个问题真的很难回答
当越来越多的人问时 心里面便很不好受
好像我已经是过期了好久都不能毕业一样

昨晚 旧同学聚会 同样的问题又来的
我问回他“你做工多久了？”
“一年又8个月”
然后我就问他问什么还要问我几时毕业呢
心里想 我都没问你几时退休呢
我和你是同时间毕业
你踏入社会 我继续深造
你怎么能预算我在这么短的时间内就完成呢

刚才 姐也打来 问几时毕业
我所有的进度都说了
你还要我说什么呢？
觉得很失望
为什么身为我亲密的家人 也会这样

真的很厌烦
越听到这个问题 我就越压力
我现在的进度已经算是快了
不要再逼我
不要再问我几时毕业。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。

同理心？

很多时候，我们并不能理解为什么某某人要这样子做或那样子做
我们会生气 会懊恼 回问 那人怎么那么没脑啊
我想 那是因为我们并没有放下我们自己 站在他们的立场想吧！

就好象 我们不知不觉中都会冀望某某会明白我们为什么这样为什么那样
我们会解释又解释的
有时候 结果并没每次都尽如意的
然后 自己就开始苦恼了

或许 该学会放开
不理解的就让他不理解吧

时日无多

眼见时间越来越不足了
压力也逐渐的有增无减了

忘了几时开始已养成拖欠的习惯
对老板说明天交
老板不急 我更不急
结果 什么都慢了

老板好像也懂得我的坏习惯
老板说 你一定要在三月里交给我
不是尽力 而是一定 不然便赶不及毕业了
我点点头 因为我的计划书里也是这样部署的
但 我往往忘了计划归计划 实践归实践

现在 有时在临时抱佛脚的阶段
苦恼啊 可恨的坏习惯
更可恨的是 没有赶紧做的冲劲
苦恼啊 没用的人类

蠢蠢欲动

现在 我有一颗蠢蠢欲动的心
想到世界各地闯一闯
想到世界各地逛一逛

同时间 又害怕
害怕孤独的上路
害怕陌生的城市
害怕如狼的人类
害怕将受的伤害
害怕不足的资金

这是需要度过的时期
却还是很害怕
但有很想考验自己一下

现在的我就像是温室里的娇花
没有承受过任何的风风雨雨
一切都过得太幸福了
也太过于单纯了
我相信 在这样下去
一遇到难题 我就将倒下。。。

^_^

有人问我 圣诞节时 和他怎么度过
我说 没什么庆祝 也没和他度过 因为他在赶工

有人问我 我生日时 他为我准备了什么惊喜
我说 没有惊喜 因为他在赶工 没时间准备

有人问我 情人节时 总有节目了吧
我说 一份礼物都没有 他带我到他家拜年 然后我回家 他与朋友看戏

朋友目瞪口呆 不会吧 那么无聊 那么为什么你还和他在一起呢
我笑笑说 因为平时啊
因为真心啊 真心是不会作假的阿

梁静茹的“分手快乐”唱到“其实爱对了人 情人节每天都过”
他每天的关心 对我来说都是一种小幸福
所以 就算在特别的节日没有特别的节目 也是无所谓的
有当然是就好啦 ^_^

茫

其实，有谁不茫然呢？
我想，大家都不懂未来会怎样，
大家都很烦恼，尤其是在必须做选择时。

如果，有人告诉我，他很一点都不为前途而烦恼，
那么，很大可能性就是他正在说谎。。。
不然，他便是拥有家世宏伟的背景，
他要烦恼的是要怎么去花所留给他的钱。
哈哈。。。

茫然归茫然
选择还是要做。。。

我的志愿

这个问题对我来说是个蛮难回答的问题。
我记得小时候，当需要填写“我的志愿”时，我就很烦恼。
我不知道我的志愿是什么，
看其他朋友写东又写西的，很是好奇他们为什么会有抱负。
我记得当时长辈常说我是个叽喳婆，以后可以做律师，所以我就填写我的志愿是当律师。

现在的我根本和律师的职业扯不上任何的关系。
读的是工程系，心里却是茫然的很。。。
工程系的路途并不暗淡，但却好像吸引不到我走向它，可能，看不到花花草草吧！
如果现在叫我填写“我的志愿”，我还是很茫然。
可以填写“会飞的超人”吗？
看到可恶的家伙时，我有能力让他跪地叫妈妈，大喊以后不敢了。
看到谁人有难时，我可以第一时间飞去救他。
如果是这样的话，再多几个像这样的人，那么，地球是否就得救了呢？
可惜，只是异想天开。。。